Best Facebook Reactions to Mi-Cy Dating Homeless Bro

Miley Cyrus recently revealed that Jesse Helt, the Homeless Bro she got to accept her VMA, will now be able to crash at her pad FOREVER. Dude has to be so stoked, talk about “Came From Nothing” #proofyungthugnotgay. The wise inhabitants of Facebook had much to say on the matter, including some sagely advice for the young possibly-couple:

1. I WOULD NEVER ASK A MAN MOVE IN W/ ME

2. COKE FUELED HOBO SEX

3.U CRAY GIRL???

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4. WOULD RATHER LOSE MY DICK 

5. *TEARS FALL* (u_u)

WELL. THIS ALL SEEMS REASONABLE.

What do you think about these two young Mollywogs sharing the same Wrecking Ball? Do you think this will end Barely Legal Teen Homelessness?? I really hope so, because the kids on Haight street could really use the dank nugs you can only enjoy in the privacy of your own private AirBnB we call a home.

What Strain Of Weed Would Allah Blaze?

by resident political correspondent StrainGenius23

let's take a walk down the hallway...

let's take a walk down the hallway...

When most people think about the Middle East and terrorism and stuff, what comes to mind is kush'd-out beardos huffing pounds of bubble hash in a tent with some I Dream Of Genie lookin' hipster bitch fanning them down with giant coke leaves. In reality (at least as of late), nothing could be further from the truth. Just last week, some nerd got his head chopped off cause he wanted to do some Broke Ass Stewart-level investigative reporting on what he thought would be some hella cray muslim gangsters. Turns out they were ratchet as fuck and wanted basically a gazillion dollars from Obama to let him go. Too bad Obama is just as trill, if not triller, than the terrorists and was all like "lol no way Jose."

This weekend I was blunted enough to sit through the ENTIRE Vice documentary on this new Terror Squad they got going on in Syria and Iraq called ISIS, which I think stands for Insane Strained-out Islamic Serialkillers. Holy. Shit. These dorks are chopping ERR'BODY's heads off and being total dick-wads in the most unchill sense of the word. My gut reaction to all of this: "Wait, don't these bros, like, smoke hella weed??"

To the best of my knowledge, I thought Islam was all about One Love and Redemption Songs and lions with dreadlocks, NOT telling 9 year old babies to shoot A-Ks at innocents in the name of Jah! :( I mean, I think it's cool to let your kids smoke Purple Urkle when they're ready and even shoot guns as long as they know to respect life and other people's rights, but this is just ridiculous! I used to be hella against bombing foreign people, even if they DID DO 9/11 (jk I KNOW it was an inside job), but damn, we gotta bomb these dudes like last week. Cause let's be reality- If these psychos ever figure out how to get to cool SF places like 4 Barrel and Dolores Park, it's gonna be mad fright night in the 415!!!

a rare instagram of a stoned lion with the islamic flag during better times 

a rare instagram of a stoned lion with the islamic flag during better times 

Okay, so after watching that really insightful Vice documentary, two thoughts come to mind: A. These Islamic State Posse dudes are way too 'noided out on that Kashmir bubble dab or B. These dudes are NOT smoking enough heady Indica strains. Now hear me out: I'm not a "scientist" when it comes to strains, but I can tell you that sometimes I'll be at the dispensary (BASA Collective, wadduppp!!) and I'll be a little broke and have to try whatever cheap shit they're trying to get rid of, and after I smoke it I'll be like “Fuck everyone! I hope my roomies die!” or “Why the fuck am I so pissed right now, I thought I was high? ;__; ” and, while this is rare, I think the entire weed community has to admit that some highs aren't so mellow sometimes. 

On the other hand, what if these Jihad'd-out fools are trying to not get high as much as their religion says they should because they're trying to pass drug tests to get airline jobs for terrorism activities?? Cause even though sometimes I get a little pissed when I smoke derpy strains, I can tell you right now that if I didn't get high like every day I'd be STRAIGHT MURDERING FOOLS FOR NOTHING. That's why all weed should be legal! Everyone knows there'd be no crime if people were forced to smoke weed every day. In the words of Bill Hicks, “weed should be mandatory.” And that goes for dudes that live in pyramids, too! Maybe instead of dropping bombs on these losers, we should be dropping bomb-ass nugs and dabs. THESE GUYS NEED THE WEED MORE THAN US. You hearin me, my Mendo heads?? Start saving some of that extra ganja, put it in bags, and just airmail that shit off to Afghanistan or wherever Reddit losers are reporting hatchet killa activity. 

And if any of these terrorists out there are reading this right now, let me ask you one simple question: Which strain would Allah smoke? I would personally put my money on a dope ass sativa like Jack Herrar or Blue Dream, but only cause I know he's got a lot of work to do right now because between Burning Man shutting down and Miley Cyrus trying to hi-jack the VMAs with lame ass issues she made up, this world needs a lot of help. 

Save us, Basedgod.

Robin Williams Found With Two Rare Digimon Cards

L: Robin Williams during happier times, R: Hiandromon, an Ultimate Cyborg Digimon that was perfected by improving the incomplete Andromon

L: Robin Williams during happier times, R: Hiandromon, an Ultimate Cyborg Digimon that was perfected by improving the incomplete Andromon

According to a recent TMZ report, actor and comedy legend Robin Williams may have left more behind for this world than a legacy of brilliant physical comedy. 

Investigators at Williams' Tiburon property reportedly found not one, but TWO highly sought after Digimon cards in the deceased actors' shirt pocket. The cards found are said to be the ultra rare and glossy foil print edition of both Milleniummon and Hiandramon. Both cards are "mega-level" mutations of the already powerful cards with one possessing the ability to cast an earth shattering 580 Dimension Destroyer.

Collectors have estimated the value of each individual card at well over 200 dollars. Whether the cards will be held onto or auctioned off at a later date is up to the family, but offers from several serious buyers have already popped via the actors' twitter account.

We'll have more on this story as it develops.

Wolf Animal Radio Is Back! This Time With 80% More Cage Tix!

In what will surely go down as the "trillest display of brand synergy" of 2014, BFF.fm, easily SF's hippest and most beloved radio station, have decided to give WxA a high-valued time slot on their station! I hope you have your medical cards ready, 'cause you will def wanna blaze to this BIG TIME.

Also, we would like to take this moment to apologize for the last show we had, which was "lol random XD" at best and terrifying at worst. To quote modern rock legend Brandon Boyd, "I'm not a perfect person, there's many things I wish I didn't do." BUT WHO CARES?! It's not like anyone outside of Tindr breezies ever tuned in anyways. lol :/

We're 300% stoked to be the newest addition to the BFF.fm tang clan, and we're amped to remain the unquestionable thought leaders when it comes to the state of the Emotional Shortie lifestyle within the Yay Area! Tune in every Weds from 2 to 4pm to hear Yung Will play the hypest WinAmp playlists of true emo, pop emo, mall screamo, emoviolence, powerviolence, HalfMoonBay-core, fake skramz, the Icarus Line and cloudrap. Essentially anything people with "too many feels" can relate to.

BUT WAIT. THERE'S MORE. We will be giving away tix to see legendary emotional rapper CAGE at the Historic Elbo Room Ballroom this Wednesday. Say wuuuut? Dawg. Are you even up against the machine like Rage? Call up on Weds and tell us why you are the biggest Cage stan ever, and we'll hook you up, f'real. Get out the toothpicks yo, it's happening!
 

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HEY SAN FRANCISCO! Are you ready for OUTSIDELANDS 2014??!?

some swaggerful headdresses are dangerous

some swaggerful headdresses are dangerous

San Francisco has always been a haven for outsider artists and folks looking to subvert the "cyber bully norm." Now it's that special time of year again where crusty p.o.s. townies get their dumb working class commutes through Golden Gate Park DISRUPTED by California's most beloved Indie Music Fest.

Last year, thousands of free-thinking modern rockers were treated to a weekend of "the triple b" (that means: babes, bands and beer / Boo-Yaa T.R.I.B.E.); and this year doesn't look to be any different. With a lineup that includes polarizing mainstream celebrity Kanye West, urbane cloudrap duo Ryan Lewis (ft. Macklemore), and fossilized prehistoric weedosaur Tom Petty, you can expect to encounter an extremely racially mixed crowd this year! On top of that, the ratio of snore-core guitar bands to sickwyld DJs will be less disproportionate thanks to the fedora wearing aspies at Another Planet finally waking the up and smelling the molly water. 

If you've already got your tickets for yourself and all of your drug buddies, you better come dressed up like your favorite softgrunge twerker because the theme of this year's festival is DGAF mothafucka! But seriously. Ladies: cute bra + half-tank would look good on an effing port-o-potty full of juggalo beer shits, so let's go with that and some booty shorts plz. Guys, its up to you: plaid, North Face, or fake-gay (if yr a "for real" LGBT then just forget the fake part, I guess).

Also, folks wearing Native Style headdresses will be let in ABSOLUTELY FREE this year so start pluckin' those turkeys! And if you're concerned that this is offensive to the NA bros out there, don't worry cause they obviously can't afford tix lol (sorry NA bros). Tickets are gonna be like $115 per day or $225 for all three days, so that's like 25 cents if you work at Google, Twitter or Uber X. What will you do with all those LEFTOVER VISA REWARDS??? How about getting crunk at the 24 hour WINE LANDS, or getting your vape on with the hippies down at the historic OUTSIDER-ART booth?? 

Some people say New York is the epicenter of "zany hipster culture," but those people are lying to themselves because the Strokes and WTC were fucking 30 years ago and now the only people that live there are syphilitic human garbage IMO. It's clear that the 415 is where it's happening and Outside Lands 2014 is where its happening at. It may not be Burning Man (what is tho?), but I'm sure you will still get your D's S'd in a meaningful and artistically trenchant way. 

Ps. Let's take a walk down the Halls of Illusion to Outerlands 2013.