BREAKING: Vaping Is Very Chill

by resident #916 expert Ray Cordoba

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Do you smoke cigs? In 2014? SAY WHAAAT?? Let me tell you right now, if you don't want to be considered a creaky brachiosaurus by all your cool friends AND wanna start getting super healthy, you need to hop aboard the Vape Train right now. It's probably the most alpha thing you can do, and it only costs about $300 to get started!

The first thing you'll notice after the switch is slowly getting your sense of smell back. This is something that I have a love/hate relationship with. For instance: why didn't anyone tell me my apartment smelled so bad?
:/ After I quit cigs, I realized my apartment smelled like an old Hormel chili can. No one said shit to me the whole fucking time. Thanks a lot everyone!

B-b-b-but if I make the switch to "That Vape Lyfe" what about the cigarette store guy and our meaningful relationship we've cultivated over the past eight years?

"dawg. did u know death grips have a new album on soundcloud?"

"dawg. did u know death grips have a new album on soundcloud?"

Fret not. He probably sells some vape juice that's pretty good(ish) but it's mostly entry-level garbage. So I don't really go there for juice. You could start gambling on sports? My cigarette store guy is a bookie, and yours probably is too! Just ask, that might be fun. I definitely plan on putting my winnings towards getting  that vaporizer that's made out of a Sega Master System gun with a DNA 30 board in it (you vape through the barrel of the gun = It's hardcore as fuck.)

Even Though You Swear That You Are True/ I Still Pick My Vape Over You

^ how I feel when I vape in public B-]

^ how I feel when I vape in public B-]

The second thing you'll immediately love about vaping will probably be the newfound attention. It's insane. It doesn't matter if I'm doing something dumb like working on my car or buying food at the mall,  when passerbys see me vape and want to add me on Twitter, it's all worth it.

There's all kinds of ways to do impress people too! It's def chill when people ask me what I'm doing while I'm making adjustments to voltage and muttering things to myself. This gives me an opportunity to dazzle them by explaining all the vast features of my box mod to them. It's all highly technical but it's also easy if you've been to any vape-related classes at The Learning Annes and know the basic social cues of True NorCal Vape Culture.

Is it actually 420 yo??

"is this ska instrument from the '90s a vape? pls inform."

"is this ska instrument from the '90s a vape? pls inform."

The only conceivable downside to this amazing activity is having to explain it to fucking Gen Xers and other people who are stuck in 1895. For instance: I was in a bar vaping (as usual), and some old ass lady pointed that the vaporizer and asked, "is that a joint??" Yes bish, its an 8 inch long joint made of metal with a tank filled with liquid on top of it. No its not a joint, its a fucking box mod you stupid fucking dinosaur! Unless you want to try to somehow light this thing up and blaze a fucking battery, then i suppose it's some form of joint (olds, so stupid. Ugh).

Then another time a CHP who pulled my over was all "whats in that tank? is that hash oil? Is that VG based THC vapor juice?" Clearly, this pig knew what was up, but i was all "Naw officer, its just a modest 8mg juice called 'Patriotic-Law-Abiding-Citizen,' and this one's 'Sex Haver 69,' and my personal favorite "My-Ex-Wife is a Total Bitch, Right?" But the chip totally vaped and we talked about Maglites and this asshole from the auto shop I work at. Turns out this cop-dude drives the same Toyota Highlander as I do. Same color and everything. Some people say that shit is like a mom car but don't give a fuck, it's a great car to vape in.

Flavors of stuff i want to vape, but cant because scientists haven't made them yet (WHY)?

"Yo dawg... that color is tite. I am def feeling this BIG TIME"

"Yo dawg... that color is tite. I am def feeling this BIG TIME"

*"New Car Smell"
*"Open Air Bazaar"
*”indie pizza place"
*"indie video store",
*"Walgreen's"

*"Death Grips Publicity Stunt"
*"Sierra Nevada (in cans)"
*"Surface of the moon"
*"Demon Heart"
*"Grape Milenko"

In conclusion, it doesn't matter if you are a goth, a juggalo or a Christian, vaping is definitely the way of the future and the only 100% healthy way to successfully cope with "Reality." Peace!

My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult is BACK!! KILLER!!!!!

by Cybergoth correspondent Sinnistar

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My darling neon kittens and Juke Joint Jezebelles, our time has come! Break out the bondage gear and disco boots, TKK are back! And this time they've brought along a bag of Spooky Tricks they'd like to share with us. SAY WHAAAT??

That's right! Fans new and old can expect more of the same TKK trademarks that got our booties shaking in the '90s: Infectious rhythms, Groovie Mann's Jim Morrison coked-out corpse impersonation, and enough B-Movie samples to keep Something Weird Video's lawyers busy for years to come. Praise Bacchus! The real signifying feature of this record is the modern day production that would score these guys a hit on the "lamestream" radio charts!

To go along with their new album, the Kult will be going on another extensive tour across the US, finishing off their tour July 1st in our favoritest place ever, DNA Lounge! Hoo ha! If you're CG, pushing 40 (unghh), and not at this show Tuesday night, chances are you fucked up yr Neuromancer dredz beyond repair. Been there. :/

Bassist Levi Levi won't be along for this tour (boo!) but Beatport.com's winner of the Kooler Than Jesus Remix winner, DJ Toxic Rainbow, will be touring alongside the gang and spinning the most twysted (NOT TRAP OR DUBSTEP) beats this side of the Mindway. What, you've never heard of DJ Toxic Rainbow? Well, me neither. Most TKK openers are like really ineffectual foreplay and I usually just plan on arriving after they've gotten all their sad keyboards and strobe lights off the stage.

The one thing I'm starting to get a little concerned about is the cover art these guys have been generating lately... ahem...

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As you can, the new record looks like some kind of terrible Juggalo Rap record from from the late 90s. From what hell did they unearth that ancient font from? But look at the last two records and you can see that this all actually kind of an improvement.

I mean, does this album artwork excite any part of you? Are you at all curious, when looking at these image, what the music contained within might actually sound like? Probably not. I guess they heard from some guy at the bath house that people don't actually buy music any more and just gave up on the physical presentation end of things.

Aaaaanyways! Figurative digipak cover aside, Spooky Tricks sounds great on my Play account and it's totally amping me up for the big bash in July! Also, still looking for CG-related modeling Google gigs, so if you're in the community and looking for a new muse, holler at a goth!

GET YR TIX HERE!!!!

Brian Dunning to Joe Rogan: 'Yr Fans R Retarded'

:(

:(

It's been like, 20 years since Brian Dunning historically brought his brand of annoyingly accurate logic to the set of Joe Rogan's “Miracle tonics and conspiracy hour show,” and according to a recent Facebook slam, he still regrets it. According to Dunning, he had no idea Joe Rogan and his fans would get so butthurt about being called out for promoting untested Alpha Brain formulas and Bigfoot sightings. To this day, Dunning is still airing his beefs out via Facebook over the incident and ensuing tidal wave of angry Rogan Fan death threats.

Obviously, it's max unchill of Rogan's fans to go after Dunning for committing the sin of being a bigger nerd than everyone else, but now I can see why everyone on the Star Trek Enterprise wanted to secretly suffocate Data in his sleep. Having a stoic cyborg smartass hovering around you must be a very off-putting experience. Plus, Dunning going on Rogan's show and slamming Alpha Brain in tantamount to visiting a Juggalo gathering and trying to disprove the existence of a seventh joker's card. Like, now you fuckin with the fam, ya know what I'm sayin'? Woop woop.

Let's hope this ongoing squabble results in a second Dunning appearance on the JRE because when those two get together, great awkward things happen and a lot of Hempforce bros get mega upset.

WOLF ANIMAL POV RADIO IS GOIN LIVE!! HATERS FALL BACK.

dude... but will they bone tho?

dude... but will they bone tho?

WUT? Wolf Animal has a P-Cast internet radio thing? YES WE DO! Tune in every Saturday night as the wolves take over the the throne room at RadioValencia.fm from midnight to 2am. Our locally respected shock jocks will be bringin' you the controversial opinions u crave, the news u need, and enough cloud rap mp3s to feed a starving #based family.

Tonight, we bring you the unabridged Audiobook, The History of America, read by the author, Adam Healthem. It's going to be our most informative show ever! WOW. So be sure you're carrying a notepad and paper if you ever plan on graduating from community college, you dork.

Tonight's broadcast is brought to you by the good people at Drugfreeworld.org. Drugfreeworld is a non profit organization dedicated to the eradication of ALL drugs, including medicine and alcohol. Learn more at drugfreeworld.org and see how you can help “end the madness.”

Remember, kids... edgebreak = facebreak

Remember, kids... edgebreak = facebreak